Love as insecurity, is not a very bad thing I suppose. Insecurity arises when one loves and there is a need to be loved in return. There is the expectation for the love to be reciprocated. Insecurity is shown as we are not comfortable with ourselves alone. We need others to appreciate us and to help us develop ourselves. Perhaps it can be expressed most as follows: “we love best those who need us most” (Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery). There is a sense of martyrdom or of a need to be hero – to be praised and appreciated by other people. Hence, the image of damsel in distress and knight in shining armor comes to mind. However, love as I’m speaking of, is not limited to romantic love alone, but to love of all kinds; a personal definition of love notwithstanding.
I am not saying this is a bad thing. It is actually human nature. And if the Creator/Divine Providence made us this way, maybe there is a good reason for that.
Living alone and not needing anybody is as lonely as could be. There is a purpose for us to be created as insecure and as needy for love as possible. It is to create brotherhood and enjoy life and the blessings of the Divine Providence all the more.
Perhaps love is at its best when there is mutual benefit and happiness.
Love in moderation is good. Excessive love might result to infatuation or obsession. I think it is safe to relate love to infatuation or obsession as we are not even sure exactly what love means.
-December 18, 2006 (Monday)
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Saturday, April 21, 2007
moody..
i'm getting a little cranky already. maybe because i haven't had a proper vacation yet since the christmas break. from all the acad work, org, intern, and other extra-curricular activities, i am already tired from rushing everything.
with just the weekend to relax--oh no! not relax! with all the org activities and laundry i have to do, and some catching up with friends and colleagues, i can't can't relax! work on weekdays and still i want to do something else..enroll in a dance class or something..something to develop a skill or discover a talent...
my sister's kidding me that i'm always trying to be a superwoman when i'm not and cannot be. Why do i always feel the need to do something or do a lot at the same time? why do i feel the need to try everything at the same time? Is time really running out? that i have to make the most of it? to no longer sleep if it's just not necessary..
tired darling. worn out. i just want to go out, relax, and have fun. don't get me wrong, i have fun working. it's just that, i think my physical aspect can no longer keep up with my determination.
i want out. i want a breather.
with just the weekend to relax--oh no! not relax! with all the org activities and laundry i have to do, and some catching up with friends and colleagues, i can't can't relax! work on weekdays and still i want to do something else..enroll in a dance class or something..something to develop a skill or discover a talent...
my sister's kidding me that i'm always trying to be a superwoman when i'm not and cannot be. Why do i always feel the need to do something or do a lot at the same time? why do i feel the need to try everything at the same time? Is time really running out? that i have to make the most of it? to no longer sleep if it's just not necessary..
tired darling. worn out. i just want to go out, relax, and have fun. don't get me wrong, i have fun working. it's just that, i think my physical aspect can no longer keep up with my determination.
i want out. i want a breather.
april madness
aside from having the first few days of april busy for some final exams & projects plus company interviews, i also had a lot if extra-curricular activities in mind.
rushing through exams and company interviews, i finally maanged to finish all the requirements and transfer all my stuff from my dorm to our house in san juan. then i have to do some FP requirements (i'm the VC for logistics for Financial Project this coming semester), American Chamber Seminar & Business Plan Competition, and then my internship with PLDT all in the same week (April 9-15, 2007). Then there's the screening for Stratmark/PANA team. There's also the plan sem for the org. The whole week, I went home just to take a bath and change clothes. I hadn't had the time to eat regularly and I was rushing from san juan to makati, to boni, to UP, and all around. I was pretty tired that week. I know I wasn't going to make it all. Some would be sacrificed for others. And i have to prioritized which matters most to me.
the results? my team won the amcham business plan competition & we got a pink glass trophy for that, and i didn't make it on the stratmark/pana screening. ironic isn' it? they're both marketing competitions..oh well. i guess i settled for the short-term goal.
I took a day off from work just to be able to make my presentation for the screening. but it was bad. i wasnt feeling good. and from the very start, i knew it would be terrible. but i want to try. i had to even though i knew it was going to be bad. Because i was still hoping..that even if my instincts are telling me it's not for me, I was still hoping that some miracle would happen and save me from destiny. I wanted to prove it wrong. That i'll be able to make it and that I make my own destiny. But no, there really are some things I can't do or change.
oh well, gotta accept fate.
after i took the PLDT contract, there are different companies calling me up everyday offerring better compansation & better work. but i could no longer back out. it's done. if i did, it would be much worse for me.
oh yeah, there's also the Philip Morris Choose your own adventure..i had the interview that friday. i know i'm not going to make it. it was bad. though i'm still hoping.
went to antipolo on sunday for the org's plan sem. tired. wasn't able to get anything from it. and i still got work the next day.
gotta rest rest rest.
rushing through exams and company interviews, i finally maanged to finish all the requirements and transfer all my stuff from my dorm to our house in san juan. then i have to do some FP requirements (i'm the VC for logistics for Financial Project this coming semester), American Chamber Seminar & Business Plan Competition, and then my internship with PLDT all in the same week (April 9-15, 2007). Then there's the screening for Stratmark/PANA team. There's also the plan sem for the org. The whole week, I went home just to take a bath and change clothes. I hadn't had the time to eat regularly and I was rushing from san juan to makati, to boni, to UP, and all around. I was pretty tired that week. I know I wasn't going to make it all. Some would be sacrificed for others. And i have to prioritized which matters most to me.
the results? my team won the amcham business plan competition & we got a pink glass trophy for that, and i didn't make it on the stratmark/pana screening. ironic isn' it? they're both marketing competitions..oh well. i guess i settled for the short-term goal.
I took a day off from work just to be able to make my presentation for the screening. but it was bad. i wasnt feeling good. and from the very start, i knew it would be terrible. but i want to try. i had to even though i knew it was going to be bad. Because i was still hoping..that even if my instincts are telling me it's not for me, I was still hoping that some miracle would happen and save me from destiny. I wanted to prove it wrong. That i'll be able to make it and that I make my own destiny. But no, there really are some things I can't do or change.
oh well, gotta accept fate.
after i took the PLDT contract, there are different companies calling me up everyday offerring better compansation & better work. but i could no longer back out. it's done. if i did, it would be much worse for me.
oh yeah, there's also the Philip Morris Choose your own adventure..i had the interview that friday. i know i'm not going to make it. it was bad. though i'm still hoping.
went to antipolo on sunday for the org's plan sem. tired. wasn't able to get anything from it. and i still got work the next day.
gotta rest rest rest.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
oh baby i love your way
somehow i think it will be over soon.
a new found love will be gone soon.
love, nik, i was surprised
you consider it love when all you had was a friend
no matter what, I have to keep it to myself.
an agony, my gosh.
a new found love will be gone soon.
love, nik, i was surprised
you consider it love when all you had was a friend
no matter what, I have to keep it to myself.
an agony, my gosh.
Last sem pic!
BA 161 (1st sem 06-07)
We look so young! haha
L-R: Carlo, Ash, Wow, Lorie, Cy, Mayeen
Seated: Nikki, Rhoma, Karolyn
system launch
BA 186: System LaunchTeam Powercrew created C-IT (Cinema Information Technology) for Flick, Inc.
Me & Ash
-We don't look so stressed, do we?- =)
Saturday, March 17, 2007
formal dinner
Formal dinner
March 16, 2007, friday
8 pm.
Garden, Ilang ilang Residence Hall, UP Diliman
-with my roommate Reigna (left)-
=)
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
USC campaign assembly
7.30-10pm, dorm lobby - pretty fun!
now my annoyance is gone! had fun fun fun watching the candidates talk, act, sing, and dance! the Q&A portion is the most important part. though they weren't concerned mainly of serious topics regarding the university and their GPOAs, it is still interesting to note how they would act in certain situations that caught them off-guard.
the Q&A portion gave no preparation time, it was impromptu. but it was nice. but then, there were some confusing people...confusing candidates evidenced by contradictory statements..(trapo in the making?) i hope not.
the parties were asked regarding their stand for TOFI (tuition and other fee increase) if the majority of the student are pro-TOFI.
a STANDUP candidate said that they will still push for ANTI-TOFI because they believe that it is the correct thing to do even if the majority of the students are for it. then sometime later, the chairperson (Shan) candidate was asked that if ever she's the only one from her party to win and the rest are from other parties, will she push through with her stand & GPOAs? she said that she will do whatever it is for the students even if against her party's will/principles.
SEE? there is INCONSISTENCY! my golly. wer does her loyalty lie? to the students or to her party? maybe that is the question to all the candidates of her party. are they representative of the students or are they an independent body of their own separate from the rest of the students? your basic principles and ethic codes are not certain.
am i the only one confused or did i miss something? no i don't think so.
there is something fishy in there...and gosh darlings, you got a very big hole to cover.
oh yeah, go AISA KING for USC COUNCILOR!
now my annoyance is gone! had fun fun fun watching the candidates talk, act, sing, and dance! the Q&A portion is the most important part. though they weren't concerned mainly of serious topics regarding the university and their GPOAs, it is still interesting to note how they would act in certain situations that caught them off-guard.
the Q&A portion gave no preparation time, it was impromptu. but it was nice. but then, there were some confusing people...confusing candidates evidenced by contradictory statements..(trapo in the making?) i hope not.
the parties were asked regarding their stand for TOFI (tuition and other fee increase) if the majority of the student are pro-TOFI.
a STANDUP candidate said that they will still push for ANTI-TOFI because they believe that it is the correct thing to do even if the majority of the students are for it. then sometime later, the chairperson (Shan) candidate was asked that if ever she's the only one from her party to win and the rest are from other parties, will she push through with her stand & GPOAs? she said that she will do whatever it is for the students even if against her party's will/principles.
SEE? there is INCONSISTENCY! my golly. wer does her loyalty lie? to the students or to her party? maybe that is the question to all the candidates of her party. are they representative of the students or are they an independent body of their own separate from the rest of the students? your basic principles and ethic codes are not certain.
am i the only one confused or did i miss something? no i don't think so.
there is something fishy in there...and gosh darlings, you got a very big hole to cover.
oh yeah, go AISA KING for USC COUNCILOR!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
petty annoyances
i was actually a bit irritated in class today..i don't know if it showed. i did everything i can for that project..maybe i really don't deserve that award....i really don't want that award. i just want them to appreciate what i've done and sacrificed for that darn project. there! at least i got a bad word out.
1. I contacted the foundation and set the appointment. i made the arrnagements, etc.
2. I emailed, texted everybody in the group & the foundation for all the activities, meetings, etc.
3. I made sure everybody knows what he/she will be doing.
4. I had to list all the things necessary for the event, and assigned them.
5. I got the van and picked up everybody, bought the utensils, drinks, materials, etc.
oh yeah, if maybe i didn't fuss too much it's because i saw no need for that. if that award if for the amount of fussing, then yes, i am no winner. but i did them without fussing.
i listed all what I did. maybe they did more, though i can't think of any anyway. Plus the stupid reports and homeworks? I didn't fuss for them because they weren't that important and can be carried on with ease.
ah with all the hearthaches darling.
i am so overwhelmed with irritation for childishness. irritation or annoyance, and not hate. u hate if you loved first. i didn't.
1. I contacted the foundation and set the appointment. i made the arrnagements, etc.
2. I emailed, texted everybody in the group & the foundation for all the activities, meetings, etc.
3. I made sure everybody knows what he/she will be doing.
4. I had to list all the things necessary for the event, and assigned them.
5. I got the van and picked up everybody, bought the utensils, drinks, materials, etc.
oh yeah, if maybe i didn't fuss too much it's because i saw no need for that. if that award if for the amount of fussing, then yes, i am no winner. but i did them without fussing.
i listed all what I did. maybe they did more, though i can't think of any anyway. Plus the stupid reports and homeworks? I didn't fuss for them because they weren't that important and can be carried on with ease.
ah with all the hearthaches darling.
i am so overwhelmed with irritation for childishness. irritation or annoyance, and not hate. u hate if you loved first. i didn't.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
new
i'm feeling like a teenager all over again...
there's the drive to explore new things, and the lack of commitment in most matters.. There's the determination of searching out what other things the world can offer me..It's not irresponsibility and childishness..It is exploration and a way of shaping who i am..It is a way fo developing a person..I've never had a passion for anything, even when i was a kid. But now i can feel it..something in me that craves for something new and exciting. Something that i haven't experienced before. and the changes happening now aren't that surprising for some people. But for me, they are new and i intend to enjoy every moment of it.
I'm trying to learn how to relax and quit being anxious.
Live for today, live for the present, live for the people nik...carpe diem!
As a poem says, In the end all it is to be asked of a dead person is whether he had passion.
i think passion should be coupled with optimism...and i have to learn them both as soon as possible.
there's the drive to explore new things, and the lack of commitment in most matters.. There's the determination of searching out what other things the world can offer me..It's not irresponsibility and childishness..It is exploration and a way of shaping who i am..It is a way fo developing a person..I've never had a passion for anything, even when i was a kid. But now i can feel it..something in me that craves for something new and exciting. Something that i haven't experienced before. and the changes happening now aren't that surprising for some people. But for me, they are new and i intend to enjoy every moment of it.
I'm trying to learn how to relax and quit being anxious.
Live for today, live for the present, live for the people nik...carpe diem!
As a poem says, In the end all it is to be asked of a dead person is whether he had passion.
i think passion should be coupled with optimism...and i have to learn them both as soon as possible.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
varied.
accounting exam tomorrow afternoon..oh yes, nice nice nice.
how i wish i'l pass..that we'll all pass. such an interesting discussion with ma'am acuna this afternoon..
no i dont have anything specific to discuss in this entry...actually, im thinking about the people living in the GK site i went to last year.. so Stepford..creepy, freaky, darling..they're staring into nothing..they greet you then they're dead. hopeless people..they're dying subconciously...they're like bodies without souls..empty shells. my god. it is horrible. i think it is worse than death..wish they'll live..live & breathe again.
i don't know how visitors there can stand it. they're like zombies waiting to die again, if it's possible anyway.
but there, dead breathing people. i hope they snap out of it..live live live!
how i wish i'l pass..that we'll all pass. such an interesting discussion with ma'am acuna this afternoon..
no i dont have anything specific to discuss in this entry...actually, im thinking about the people living in the GK site i went to last year.. so Stepford..creepy, freaky, darling..they're staring into nothing..they greet you then they're dead. hopeless people..they're dying subconciously...they're like bodies without souls..empty shells. my god. it is horrible. i think it is worse than death..wish they'll live..live & breathe again.
i don't know how visitors there can stand it. they're like zombies waiting to die again, if it's possible anyway.
but there, dead breathing people. i hope they snap out of it..live live live!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
valentines.
feb13 8 pm- mama was asking me if i'll be going out on valentine's day. my gosh, i dont even have a date!
hahay. but my blockmates keep me busy! hahaha! all the block gimmicks my gosh. lunch, dinner, party...oh well, keeps me smiling all day.
love love love it!
feb 14 - studyinga accounting..studying at main lib for the first time! though 3 hours only. hehe.
gosh darling, why can't you see me now? this is the day of flowers & chocolates..they're everywhere..but my darling, where are you?
hahay. but my blockmates keep me busy! hahaha! all the block gimmicks my gosh. lunch, dinner, party...oh well, keeps me smiling all day.
love love love it!
feb 14 - studyinga accounting..studying at main lib for the first time! though 3 hours only. hehe.
gosh darling, why can't you see me now? this is the day of flowers & chocolates..they're everywhere..but my darling, where are you?
Thursday, February 01, 2007
hope.
i'm hoping, hoping, hoping darling..that's everything's going to be all right.
and why do i feel so sick and nervous all of a sudden? i don't know...maybe the stress, tension, and cold weather all combined together. or maybe it's just i'm thinking of you all over again.
with all the schoolwork, i can hardly breathe and live my happy life. it's becoming monotonously boring, and the results aren't that good. i want my old efficient life. i want my happy old self.
it's getting so busy nowadays. i want to a take a breather, a break from this mess. yes, a mess darling, and i have to fix it up sooner or later.
love is so evasive. happiness is where you want it. i am confused darling. i want a break.
and why do i feel so sick and nervous all of a sudden? i don't know...maybe the stress, tension, and cold weather all combined together. or maybe it's just i'm thinking of you all over again.
with all the schoolwork, i can hardly breathe and live my happy life. it's becoming monotonously boring, and the results aren't that good. i want my old efficient life. i want my happy old self.
it's getting so busy nowadays. i want to a take a breather, a break from this mess. yes, a mess darling, and i have to fix it up sooner or later.
love is so evasive. happiness is where you want it. i am confused darling. i want a break.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
ultimatum
I’m setting a target. By the end of March, I should be done with it already. I should know the results by then, & I should be able to move on.
This is a very stagnant phase. On this aspect of my life, I have been like this for a few years already. It is bad, very bad indeed. I thought time will make me get over it.
Now I’m setting an ultimatum for myself. I will try to do all I can. I blew up all the few chances I had before. I just need one more opportunity. But if all else fails, then so be it.
It’s either level up or the end. The End, will mean I have to move on – in another direction.
-I will be wearing a white dress with ruffles and a pink ribbon. I hope our attires will complement each other. I hope we will enjoy that night. I hope to see you soon.-
wishing.hoping.but in the end, i want to move on.
This is a very stagnant phase. On this aspect of my life, I have been like this for a few years already. It is bad, very bad indeed. I thought time will make me get over it.
Now I’m setting an ultimatum for myself. I will try to do all I can. I blew up all the few chances I had before. I just need one more opportunity. But if all else fails, then so be it.
It’s either level up or the end. The End, will mean I have to move on – in another direction.
-I will be wearing a white dress with ruffles and a pink ribbon. I hope our attires will complement each other. I hope we will enjoy that night. I hope to see you soon.-
wishing.hoping.but in the end, i want to move on.
Monday, January 01, 2007
New Year's Resolution
Or should I say Resolutions?
1. Hmm..I'm thinkin of becoming more prim & proper. People mistake me for a high school kid, like a 14 yr old or somthing. Though it can be amusing and a compliment sometimes, it's more often an insult. haha. I take it as an insult. Don't I look like a lady? So i have to be more proper, eh? Let me work on it, though I don't intend to give up the fun of being a kid. =P
2. Be Less Stressed; Be More HAPPY!
3. SMILE darlin'!
Three is one of my favorite numbers. 3 Christmas Wishes, 3 New Year's Resolutions. Haha! =)
1. Hmm..I'm thinkin of becoming more prim & proper. People mistake me for a high school kid, like a 14 yr old or somthing. Though it can be amusing and a compliment sometimes, it's more often an insult. haha. I take it as an insult. Don't I look like a lady? So i have to be more proper, eh? Let me work on it, though I don't intend to give up the fun of being a kid. =P
2. Be Less Stressed; Be More HAPPY!
3. SMILE darlin'!
Three is one of my favorite numbers. 3 Christmas Wishes, 3 New Year's Resolutions. Haha! =)
Christmas Wishes
So I wrote Santa a letter, just to compete with my sisters. Haha.
1. DigiCam- Mama gave me our old Kodak digicam but it wouldn't work na. It's old and it's not functioning well even before.
Result: Auntie Chit gave me her old digicam. It's not that old. It looks ok. but i managed to do something on it and it wouldn't work. Something about buffer memery that i couldn't figure our from the manual. Shutter won't work. Nikon digicam. Haay.
2. A boyfriend- Hmm. I think I've been wishing for this for three years running already. And my sisters are always asking me how Santa's going to bring the guy. Haha. Anyway, I haven't received it yet.
Result: Santa left a book on how to find your one true love by Bo Sanchez. Wow, it's improving! Think i'm getting nicer each year. No results for the first two Christmases, and I got one this year! Though a bit far-off. I want the real thing. Hahahahahaha!
3. World Peace - As usual, you have to wish this thing. You're a bad bad person if you don't.
Result: None yet. Gloomy weather still, damaged infrustructures not yet repaired.
But family's great! Thank God for it!
Actually, I think Santa delivered my Christmas Present last last Christmas (2005) on Christmas Day (25th). I think I managed to reject it though I didn't intend to. Bad bad. Will you bring him back, Santa? =)
1. DigiCam- Mama gave me our old Kodak digicam but it wouldn't work na. It's old and it's not functioning well even before.
Result: Auntie Chit gave me her old digicam. It's not that old. It looks ok. but i managed to do something on it and it wouldn't work. Something about buffer memery that i couldn't figure our from the manual. Shutter won't work. Nikon digicam. Haay.
2. A boyfriend- Hmm. I think I've been wishing for this for three years running already. And my sisters are always asking me how Santa's going to bring the guy. Haha. Anyway, I haven't received it yet.
Result: Santa left a book on how to find your one true love by Bo Sanchez. Wow, it's improving! Think i'm getting nicer each year. No results for the first two Christmases, and I got one this year! Though a bit far-off. I want the real thing. Hahahahahaha!
3. World Peace - As usual, you have to wish this thing. You're a bad bad person if you don't.
Result: None yet. Gloomy weather still, damaged infrustructures not yet repaired.
But family's great! Thank God for it!
Actually, I think Santa delivered my Christmas Present last last Christmas (2005) on Christmas Day (25th). I think I managed to reject it though I didn't intend to. Bad bad. Will you bring him back, Santa? =)
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Way Home
slept during the bus ride so i wasn't able to see the damage in Albay by typhoon durian/reming.
tabaco & catanduanes though both looked BROWN & GREY. So much for typhoon damage. gloomy weather.
Home & San Roque not damaged; just the landscaping a bit. Sea Breeze yeah.
tabaco & catanduanes though both looked BROWN & GREY. So much for typhoon damage. gloomy weather.
Home & San Roque not damaged; just the landscaping a bit. Sea Breeze yeah.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
i love block A.
" i love block A."
i will really miss them. i've never been so attached in my whole life. i never thought that i will ever be. i never thought i'd be capable of being this happy, of loving & caring for these people.
these people changed my life. even if everything seems so down, i still feel happy because of them.
i learned to enjoy life.
i will really miss them. i've never been so attached in my whole life. i never thought that i will ever be. i never thought i'd be capable of being this happy, of loving & caring for these people.
these people changed my life. even if everything seems so down, i still feel happy because of them.
i learned to enjoy life.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Block Party
dec 12, tue - got ready for the block party after class. at a little past 7pm - met at BA steps. with blockmates. Commute to PEts' place at Tandang Sora. whew! 8-9pm. jeep to Philcoa, and it was weird at philcoa - people all over the streets, and no taxi. so tricycle to McDo somwer then taxi to Pets' Place. Lots of food - pizzas from Pizza Hut, pasta from Avenetto, cake rolls from goldilocks, & drinks. So many food, and we enjoyed a lot.
Exchange gifts- fun! =) amusing.
then at 10:30pm-Sir Manuel arrived with Jed. Hehe. then we played charades tila round 1 am. Then Sir went back home. So we had an open forum while we were at the garden (back lawn of Pets' house) til around 5 am.
loved the party. just didn't like the large butterflies. i love Block A. Sharlene gave us all gifts (keychains) with personalized messages. i love my new slippers from marj. kat gave me a gift too. grabe. sooo Sweeeeettttttt!
then 6-7 am -slept a little. i was teasing jed about his new crush/girl. hehe. others were sleeping, and the others were playing cards. =)
then out by 7am. commute again to UP -tricycle, jeep, jeep. whew. too tired. then just changed clothes, then slept 9-2 pm. then to BA at 3:30 pm til 9pm for BA 186. then so tired. didn't do accounting.
Party Mode! =)
Exchange gifts- fun! =) amusing.
then at 10:30pm-Sir Manuel arrived with Jed. Hehe. then we played charades tila round 1 am. Then Sir went back home. So we had an open forum while we were at the garden (back lawn of Pets' house) til around 5 am.
loved the party. just didn't like the large butterflies. i love Block A. Sharlene gave us all gifts (keychains) with personalized messages. i love my new slippers from marj. kat gave me a gift too. grabe. sooo Sweeeeettttttt!
then 6-7 am -slept a little. i was teasing jed about his new crush/girl. hehe. others were sleeping, and the others were playing cards. =)
then out by 7am. commute again to UP -tricycle, jeep, jeep. whew. too tired. then just changed clothes, then slept 9-2 pm. then to BA at 3:30 pm til 9pm for BA 186. then so tired. didn't do accounting.
Party Mode! =)
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