When I come back

On September 2012:
I will go back to the province and work for the family.
I will study for the FSO exam while I'm there.

By that time, I'm 25 years old and has worked a total of 2 years abroad. Total work experience would be 1 month + 6 months + 1.5 months + 18 months = 26.5 months. I've had 4 jobs in 4 different companies, doing entirely different tasks. But now, at least, I know what to do. :)

Everything fell into place. I was able to help my parents during the time I was unemployed, and I attended a batch dinner and a get-together with college girlfriends this week. They were totally not planned for my departure, since I only learned about it yesterday. I'm glad about it, and thanks the Lord for making everything alright.

Catch-all

Trying to be the catch-all assistant. From a secretary to a governess, I have to do everything else that needs to be done.

A Library

I have a dream, a vision. I want to put up a library here in our province. It's gonna be something of a retirement job. I want to design it, build it, and manage it. It's going to be more of a private collection, but I suppose I can put a whole range of genres. There will be children's to old people's books. And there will be story telling sessions and autograph signing. It's got an automated system- a digitized library card maker, barcode scanner for books, and an inventory system like a POS. Just one computer for the librarian to manage lending and receiving. Another open terminal for people checking the reviews and availability of books. People can also write reviews on the books they've read using their library card. Then book sales can also be organized, and also for consignment from other people. Then a small cafe outside, and another private room for book club meetings and wifi users. A video and music room can also be made upstairs.

It's beautifully designed, warm and cozy. It's well ventilated, and most of all, it's FREE. Violations and late returns however, will be fined. :-)

Predominant mental disposition

I think it is unavoidable to think negative thoughts, but our predominant mental disposition should be positive. I think I have a similar post about this months ago.

I should be like Cyrilla, able to make happy, cheery, and easy letters.

Work and feelings

People say it takes work - great marriage, career, and everything else. So I'll work, and be as patient and as determined as possible to make our relationship work. A deal is a deal, even if it's only with myself.

And I won't let you decide how I feel. What I think and feel should be based on me alone, and I will not let outside circumstances affect me. I will continue to be a loving friend towards you. Not because I'm hoping you'd return the affection, but because it's me. I want to decide how I feel, and I am determined to be as happy as possible.

Alkaline

On a completely unrelated topic, what do you think of alkaline water? Of course I'm doing research too, but I'd like to know if you've heard anything about it. Planning on switching to it from purified. Is the concept a scam? Is it really beneficial to our health or is it harmful?

Abroad

One of the reasons why I love living in another country with a different language is because it is so much quieter. I can't understand them and I can easily block the "noise". I have only myself to think about, only my thoughts to hear.

vs. last year?

Why do I feel stagnant? It's an awful feeling, and I don't like it. Compared to last year, it feels like I'm back to Square 1 again. No job, no money, no lovelife, nothing. Nothing going on in my life. I try to do everything I can with what I have, as I always do. But just right now- I'm in the same exact situation as I was a year ago. Late 2009-Early 2010: After the board exam, the holidays, and on to the new year. 2011- This is supposed to be my year. I want EVERYTHING! And I'm excited about the future!

24

The date here is a day late. or half a day late. It's already January 5, and this post shows January 4. It was my cousin's 24th birthday yesterday. It reminds me that I'd also be turning 24 soon.

I keep dreaming that he will propose to me soon. That is, day dreaming. But no matter how exciting that prospect is, I hope I will snap out of it sooner than later. I am sick of waiting, with no assurance. Tired. Anxious. Hopeless.

24. I thought I'd have something GREAT going on in my life right now.

As Quitter of the Year

2010 - I resigned from my last job and relationship. They're over. Time to move on.
2011 is going to be my year! Woohoooo!

2011 New Year's Resolution

I promise to face my fears head-on as they come, and avoid any delay. Pretending they do not exist doesn't work, and the delay only causes it to be worse. Acknowledge the issue and face it. That's my goal for this year.

Applicable in all aspects of my life. Cheers to 2011! :D

What was it?

So is it considered a "relationship" then? If not, then I'm back to the NBSB club. Haha.

Well, we knew and acknowledged we like each other, and care about each other. And we were exclusive and committed to each other and in our relationship while we were together.

But: there is no love, no sex, and no assurance as to the future.
First, during the whole time we were in Vietnam, I never told him that I love him, and he never told me he loves me either. Second, the whole no-sex set-up was of course conjured up by me. He's got nothing to lose, and I've got something. I have self control, and he always wants it anyway. Third, we knew about each other's plans. I was there when he was applying for jobs. I was there when he was processing his documents. I was there when he accepted the job offer, and he told me everything about it. And he knew about my plans too. Not really "plans" plans, since I have no real plans to speak of. But the alternatives of what I might do when I get back - get togethers with family and friends, job offers, etc. He knew all about them. So we have our own plans - separate, independent, individual plans.

So what did we have? Companionship for the time being that we both needed each other. Nothing permanent, but it was necessary. And important to both of us. So yeah, maybe I'm just delaying the end of it all.

The Secret working today

Dear Diary,

Today started out okay. Just okay, good enough. Nothing great.

Woke up a bit late, got a taxi after some time, and paid just a little bit more than what I paid for the past 2 days (both same amount). Finally had my third and last day for sputum. Then went home and rested for a while. I planned for what I should do this afternoon. Went to 2 furniture shops in Quezon Ave but can't find a nice affordable dresser. Not good, and they're expensive! So went to Gilmore to buy some computer stuff for Mom. Got everything except for two items. Wow, good enough for a single without-call drop by. No major hitches - managed to withdraw the amount in a single transaction, just a bit of traffic jam, and a little rain. Then saw a laptop sale wherein my laptop now costs only 14K Php from 33K 2.5 years ago! That was fast! Oh my god. Well, most models are completely phased out and just renamed and a little upgraded and so much cheaper. I guess there are still a lot of stocks of my laptop unsold.

So then I went to Galleria. I got the book for Mama Trining! Last copy, and it was even the one with plastic cover! After searching in other malls and all out of stock, it was really lucky of me! Then I got some nice clothes as gifts for my sisters - on sale! :) Then I went to buy cellphone for Ate Beth, and I got it cheaper than the already discounted price for VIP members. And I got a Globe SIM card free! Just what mom asked me to do. A phone and a SIM card, and good, and cheap! Then I went to buy some vitamins and I was hoping I'd get it cheaper than before, and I found a promo pack which is cheaper than the other store, and the usual package I buy. Then I went to Mcdo and asked for 2 sulit burger meals totaling a hundred pesos. Just for snacks while in traffic on the way home. The cashier said there's none, asked me to Wait, then found...the last 2 burgers! Yey!

So, THE SECRET worked for me today! It really works! :)
1. Got the Gaisano stuff - more than usual!
2. Got the book - last one, after searching several branches already! and with plastic cover.
3. Got nice clothes for sisters - and discounted!
4. Got cellphone - discounted, and with SIM!
5. Got vitamins - cheaper!
6. Got the burger meals - last 2!

Downside:
1. No dresser yet
2. No Ipod for sophie yet
3. My laptop's depreciating price

Well, there are bits of ups and downs but today is definitely more on the UP! :) Lots of good things way above the downside. And who knows, maybe I didn't get those things or experienced the little negative, because something out there is better! This will all turn out for the best.

And if the Secret worked on little things, maybe it's time to work on bigger things? :) Successful career, happy family, a big house and cars and nice phones. Yey! :D

December 16

Last day for SPUTUM! Woohooo! And today, I have to go shopping! Lots of things to buy, and to do. Go go go!

Not so keen on attending the simbang gabi. Really tires me out. It started this morning, and I missed it. Oh well. I'll attend some later on. Thank you Lord for the wonderful life I have.

I know I have to move on - http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2010/11/how-to-get-over-the-guy-you-cant-get-over?currentPage=1

Christmas cards

I'm sending cards to people. And the one person I really like to give a card to, doesn't want me to. Why, honey?

December 14

FAITH. Like when you pray to the Lord, and believe He will grant your wish. You ask once, you believe that it will be done, you have Faith, and then you move on.

Today, I had my first Sputum test. One out of three consecutive days. It was inconvenient, but I had to do it. It was my way to move on. I'm thankful I have the money to pay all my bills and more. That I'm healthy, and in perfect health.

Thank you, Oh Lord.

December 13

This morning, I decided to take him out of the equation. To avoid considering him in all my decisions. As if he's not part of my life anymore.

Now, if I can't have everything I want in a particular job. Then I suppose I will have to get my priorities straight. I want to travel, so I'll get a job which involves travelling. Even though the actual job itself is less than ideal. But this is better than just avoiding what I don't want, like what happened last time - going for anything other than audit.

Dec 11

Today, I am thankful for waking up with my mom and sister in the house. We have good food, and a nice house. Today, I am thankful I have you, no matter where you are. Thank you for the plenty of time I have right now.

LDR

Love.

So how does this work? How does this long distance relationship work? We are friends, i know. And I'll try to keep it as it is...for now. We'll just see how it goes.

I really love you, honey. And I don't know how to start again.

Start all over again

I am confused, lost. And I really need you, honey. Not to tell me what to do, but to support me. Just be there for me. It seems I lost a big part of me when we separated. I'm just starting to pick up the pieces and start being inspired again.