hey

Hey, i get it. you dont want me anymore. I wont bother you. You could have just told me.

hi

I missed you a lot, I missed your company. I had thought of you often, over the years. I like you. I care for you. And I like myself when I am with you. But you are not responding to me anymore. Don't you like me now, or do I seem so desperate it turns you off? I wish you'd give us a chance. But you've had the same girlfriend for nearly a decade, and I'm already starting to lose hope. Are you just afraid that if our relationship doesn't work out, then you'd have no one with you? I like you, and I want to try to see if we're really meant to be. Do you feel the same way? Or is it just me? Are we just really good friends?

Love and Money

I wonder, if you have all the money in the world that you could ever want, will you still date the same person you are dating now? Why? What if you were born with a billion dollars to your name? Will it affect your interests significantly that you probably wouldn't or wouldn't want to go with your current date? What if, suddenly, you have a billion dollars to your name? Will it not affect your relationship? What's the difference between these two?

french

Teach me something French, aside from French kiss.

Going back to Hanoi

Everyone is getting married. They all seem happy. They got good jobs, traveled around the world, bought a car/house, and got married. They have nice phones, nice bags, nice everything. And me? I'm still here wearing my old clothes since college, and living in my parents' house. All my dreams of materialistic wealth from my college years did not happen in real life. I have lost interest in most. To be honest, I don't want to get married now, but I do want to have you back in my life. I want my perfect someone to be with me through life. I remember our one month together more than the 2.5 years I spent with him. Maybe because of the short period of time that I was able to remember more, or maybe because we did more fun stuff together. I was bored with him, maybe because I kept comparing him to you. He was nice, and he was thoughtful, but our interests are just so different. We were bored with each other. It was both our faults our relationship was like that. Maybe we weren't just meant to be. I never felt so alive when I was with you, and I never felt so dead and bored with myself when I was with him. I thought sacrificing for love was like that, but it didn't get any better. Now that I'm going back to Vietnam on July, I hope to relive our wonderful memories. I'm secretly hoping to meet you there even though it's impossible since you're in another country, or maybe meet another someone like you. Just like you. It's going to be a fun trip. I miss you a lot.

Cooking

So, we were assigned to cook for lunch today, and I planned out a nice meal: sweet and sour chicken, pork with shrimp paste, and tilapia in coconut milk. But they added more - fish soup, and fried fish, both of which I'm not particularly fond of. For dessert, I baked 2 boxes of brownie mix in a cheesecake pan so we can easily get it out. And we bought vanilla ice cream. An uncle pulled out a pack of marshmallows which was good with the ice cream and brownies. Ahh, it was heaven! :) I wish I had some chocolate syrup to pour over the ice cream! Brownies was so good, and everyone praised me about the brownies! It was soft and fudgy in the middle, and just cooked perfectly! Everything was good except for the tilapia. It was okay, just nothing special. It shouldn't have been cooked in vinegar, just straight into coconut milk. Anyway, i'll try cooking Bicol Express, and Tilapia in Coconut Milk. Yay! I'm so excited! I want to eat good food but it seems I have to make it in order to eat it. Just can't get it here.

French

I really need to learn French. I hope someone will be able to teach me in a fun way. My ex-boyfriend didn't bother teaching me the language. I guess because it's also difficult for him since he wasn't a native or a very fluent speaker. I wish I have spent more time going out by myself or with friends, instead of just staying home with him. I didn't think and feel so good about staying inside all the time, but I felt guilty going out and leaving him. Besides, he would accuse me of cheating and whatever. And he would say things to make me feel guilty. I'm glad it's all over now. I just wish I could have done more. Well there's no use crying over spilled milk now, is there? I wish to meet new friends- interesting ones who LOVE to travel on their own too! I've met some people who are like that, but I refused to develop the friendships because I was so wrongly focused on my "only" relationship, which was with him. He taught me a lot, about relationships, about love, but I wish I listened to my instincts more. I loved you, my very thoughtful ex, but we are not meant to be. We make each other miserable. And now, I want to learn French, the useless language according to you. And I will have new friends too.

Charity

I'm thinking of several ideas to help the community: 1. First, maybe schools can just assign projects to students or thesis or whatever case study or project they can think of, that will help the school itself. A school is a small community, and if the faculty and students are able to make it better than before, then their projects have 2 benefits - for the students to learn, and for the school who benefited. Like for example, how to make the school cleaner, establish a recycling system, and plant more trees. Also for biology, they can plant different types, and study exactly how it grows, what it does, and what they can be used for. Students can study in actuality, and not just from books. And schools wouldn't have to hire consultants to make their schools more effective and more efficient. The students are free labor and free minds, they can help think of ways and actually do them. Make the focus of studies and projects on how to make the school a better place, a better school. Oftentimes, they use "the country" vs "the school", but the country as the subject is so big in scope, and there are so many aspects that the proposals and study will be so vague and not really feasible. If the subject matter is just the school, it will be easier for students to understand the situation, and they can readily test their ideas with the support of the community. to be continued...

Dreams

So, I dream of many things. Many, many wonderful things to come that will change my life. But here I am, and I am still waiting for that perfect moment where I will suddenly become successful, wealthier, and happier. I used to dream about this many years ago, but I always believed I should do things my own so I can achieve my dreams, but now I am just here, not doing the things I should do. I have become relaxed, lazy, in a comfort zone not so comfortable but I'm too lazy to move my butt. Ahh, the glories and failures of the twenty-somethings

Thoughts

I keep thinking of writing an article for the national newspaper about why I hate this country. I'd like to think I will be exposing the cancers of this society by stating specific, personal situations. There will be a lot to say why I like living abroad, especially if I don't understand the language in that foreign country. There are just less noise in my head, they don't ask for attention. "They are just background noise." Life goes on. Lord, help me towards the righteaous ath and how to make great/excellet and rihgt decicions.

Back to Blogging

It's been nearly 3 years since I wrote here. I missed it so. Before, I thought if I spent less time here, I would have more time going out and having fun, and actually experiencing life. But no, it's not that way. I realize now that writing posts in a blog, whether anyone aside from me actually reads this thing, is my outlet. I can write here my ideas, thoughts, and anything that happened during the day. After venting out all my anger, I become more peaceful and calm. The past 2.5 years, which coincidentally was around the time I was with my ex-boyfriend #2, I wasn't able to blog much because he was always around and I didn't have an "alone time". I could barely write in my planner. I wanted some time by myself without anyone asking me what I'm doing. This is "me" time, just mine. Well, he and I are over, which is actually a good thing. It's making us focus on things more important than our crazy love, or infatuation with each other. When I think of him, I think of all the guys I dated, and try to compare one with the other. Maybe it's just the way I think - pros and cons, cost and benefit analysis. Maybe, just maybe, this year, my life will be better and more organized. I wish my life will be more calm and peaceful, and just generally happy. Another thing, whenever I write here, it seems like I'm talking to myself and God. I'd like to believe God is listening to me right now. There are some things he wish to say - what is it, Lord? But it's very noisy here and my head is all cluttered. It's something important and I honestly don't want to know about it, but I should. I gotta talk to my Dad.

Today is probably a full-of-headache day

I suppose the people you attract tells something about you. It reflects how you portray yourself to other people. I am not sure I will be proud if men think I'm a hooker. Or, maybe in your case, you are just an attention whore?

And to my on-and-off boyfriend, if you are just trying to be a perfectionist so you can appear different than other people, you can go f*ck yourself. And if I'm always cranky because I'm hungry, tired, and/or sleepy, remind me that that's my fault, and I'm expected to be able to take care of myself.

Unfortunately, they give me headaches and heartaches...oh, but not for long. I don't have time and energy for this. I don't think these are worth my education.

BUT! I'm cooking cornbeef and rice, and I will have a wonderful meal and I will study in peace. Yay! :)

Life

3 days and I heard nothing from you.
Last Thursday, it was less than 5 minutes difference between you and my ex.
I marveled at the coincidence.
How did it happen that you both answered me at around the same time?

A conspiracy?
What a joke.

Life is mocking me.
And I will laugh back.
Bring it on.
I will welcome whatever it gives me with open arms.

Because, I know,
that in the end,
life will give me the best
of my heart's desire.

Last resort

If we're still single by the time I'm 35, will you be my last resort? I would want to be married at that time, and settle down. What do you think?

I miss you

I miss you.
When will you ever ask me out?
Yes, I liked you for 2 months now.
This isn't a simple crush.

I've been waiting for the past Wednesday.
Was so excited just to see you.
Then I got shy, and totally ignored you.

It wasn't a grammatical error.
It wasn't "I missed you."
I said I miss you.

And I really do.

June 21

It's the first day of summer! :)

What happened today?
I backed out. I'm sorry.
I was so nervous.
I was so scared, and shy, and embarrassed at the same time.

You sat beside me while watching the movie.
You wanted to touch me.
You kinda asked if I was not straight.
My gosh, was that your move?
To make me more sexually aggressive?

You killed the bug;
You're my hero.
How come you knew exactly what's happening?

You said you wanted to stay home tonight,
and not to go bar with friends.
You asked what time I go to work the next day.

You said your mom's coming next week.
You said you're gonna take her to the restaurant we passed by.

You said you thought my job isn't a real job.
That's what my ex-boyfriend used to say before.
I ain't pleased.

June 20, 2011

After class, you looked at me and kinda waited.
Then you asked if I'm walking, and I said yes.
I asked you to wait, and you did.
You were there near my locker door as I was putting my stuff inside.

You were there as if guarding me.
You made it clear to everyone that you're waiting for me.
It's like a High School romance I never had! Haha.
Then you said you like going home after class.
That you'll miss going to class when we're done.
That you like learning French, and going to class.
You asked if I'm going back on September.

During the break, we went to the park and sat on a bench, and chatted.
It was rather nice.
:)

French class

You were supposed to walk with me, not with her.
I miss you.
I was running conversations in my head for the past few days.
I wanted to talk to you alone.
Why don't you even ask for my number?

Tuesday night you said - see you tomorrow
You didn't go to class Wednesday night.
It happened before too.

I hope to see you on Monday.
And I hope you find your cat.

I care

Where are you?
I've been waiting for your call the whole day.

Series of Culinary Experiments

Desserts:
6. Angel Cake - not good; too sweet for me
7. Flan de huevos blancos - made a mistake, not good
8. Strawberry cream pies - good!

Appetizers/Main:
1. Tokwa't baboy