process of learning

i'm learning-
that there's a lot more in this world,
there's so much more i can do,
so many oppotunities,
that i only have to be aware of them.

and i'm learning not to be insecure,
when i see people who are-
prettier, smarter, wealthier, more educated
-better than me in certain aspects
or maybe all.
i'm learning to learn from them,
and make myself a better person. :)

I learned to:
1. be aware of my insecurities
2. face them rather than turning away or ignoring the causes
3. assess the differences, and try to apply them in my life.

sure, theoretically i know them already. but to actually do it? Haha.
I'm having a hard time but i'm determined.
I know I'll learn. and i'll be so much happier then.

fb

with that networking site,
i'm hooked (but not so much as the others),
torn, and it's giving me more than my occassional bouts of insecurities.
i always feel like i'm such a boring person,
compared to those who post a lot.

do you ever feel that way, darling?
I'm happy with my life now (will be happier with you though haha),
trying to make the best out of everything and anything that comes my way.
Then I log on, hoping to be updated of my friends,
but then I end up feeling so miserable.

Ah, the false beauty of pretentiousness.

out of sync

So much for timing, darling. Haha
I'm awful terrible at that;
although sometimes I can sync myself with another person.
I just need some time to adjust. :)

3 things on a sunday

3 things:

1. budgeting:
downloaded some free budgeting programs and decided on which one to use. Planned out my budgeting strategy which will be implemented this november. It's going to be a clean fresh start; still waiting for some of my accounts to be debited/credited. zero out by november. learning something! :)

2. sonnets:
Shakespeare's first 3 sonnets are so into procreation. It's like he's saying the only purpose women are here is to aid in reproduction. amusing :)

3. relaxing: :)
i watched transformers 2; will watch gi joe tonight. clearing up my mind these days before i go home. i'm so excited to go home, not really to be "at home" but rather i just want to do something different or i think i just need a change of scenery.

-didn't go to church. lots of people there and it's going to give me a headache, plus it was so hot outside. will attend a mass tomorrow after PRC/PICPA registration. And oh, i sent my resume to ING last friday. Think maybe they'd call this week? :)

Reading

Oh btw, I'm reading Shakespeare's sonnets everyday. One sonnet a day. Haha
I think I have to start on the Bible too.

Budgeting

I think I need to learn how to budget my money.
Because if I continue delaying it, later on there will be none to budget.
Quite a hard thing to do.
I have to face my fears-
zero out my credit card,
account for my transacations using my debit cards,
And compute my net worth.

It has to be on a regular basis.
But i hate checking my accounts,
and seeing the dismal amounts.

But I have to face it right?
All my college life, my accounts were in a complete mess.
And now that I'm finally done with college,
I have to learn this thing,
I've been putting off for years.

Today is my BUDGETING day.

interviews

Hello, how was your flight?

Btw, I sent my resume to FH the other day and I had my interview yesterday.
It was okay, average. Will have to do a case next week.

However, this morning at 6am (still sleeping and my maid woke me up),
I had my interview for the scholarship.
I was supposed to wake up at 6 and study for that which was scheduled at 8am.
So I wasn't able to study. Haha.
Results will be released on November 27th.

:)

yes we did

Commensurate to our efforts, eh?
Didn't get a place but so what? Haha
I'm so happy for us darling.
We made it! :)

Oh by the way, the society offers at most 10 scholarships for any fiscal year.
Think maybe we could each get one for next year?

in 7 hours

Are we going to make it, darling?
I'm so excited to see the results!

And oh, I miss you already. :)

faith and hope

We're going to pass this exam, right?
I want to get at least the 3rd place. Haha
It's a long shot from my preboard exams but who cares?
It doesn't matter-
As long as my mind's clear when I take the exam
As long as I can remember everything I've studied
As long as I'm happy
Then I can answer everything
Perfectly, completely well.

What's your place, darling?
If we're gonna dream, then we should dream of the highest most wondrous things.
Nothing wrong with wishing to be included in the top 10, yes?
or hey, what about the first place? :D

Have faith.

3 things

1. A bit late but still, I only missed 3 items on the handout! Hehe :)
2. I think I learned a lot in school today. Brushed up on my law lessons.
3. I learned I can erase negative thoughts just by thinking of positive ones. yey! such a relief! :D

charity

I've read this somewhere before, that it's easier to help nameless faceless people than those you are much closer to, like friends and kin.

And I agree, it's true. You help one-time, no commitments, no follow-ups, and you feel happy because you've helped someone and you're wishing it made a difference in their lives. But the long-term kind of helping your relatives and friends? It's more difficult because you get involved with the main problems and you see how they make use of the help you gave.

pop culture

The problem with pop culture is not so much on the mainstream ideas themselves, but rather on the feeling of 'knowing everything' that it gives you. It may seem to you that what you see is all there is to it, when in fact there are a lot more ways to look at a particular idea. It causes a person to become so narrow-minded that it reduces him to be like what society dictates him to be - nothing more, and just like everybody else.

But then, I despise the people who so desire to be unique (or at least they want people to think of them that way) that they have to scream and show the rest that their tastes and preferences are different and supposedly superior than the masses'.

application

No matter how stupid it may seem,
at least it's giving me something to live for,
something to wake up for,
something to look forward to.
'Cause darling, now I know how it feels
Not to want to wake up at all.

3 things

Monday

1. Early at class today! Well not really, just arrived before the teacher did so I didn't miss any lessons. Hehe.

2. Sent my UPeace application package! I'm hoping I'll get the scholarship! :) Results by late November.

3. Watched The Nanny. I love that show! :D

say

Tell me you still adore me.
Tell me you still love me.
Tell me you don't want to change me.
'Cause I'm willing to take the risk
But not if that is how it's going to be.

3 things

1. Had a break from my studies. Loved the smell inside the mall; oh i miss it so.
2. Just talking with lyn and seeing my batchmates, it was nice.
3. Some people are in a worse situation than me.

Now I know everything should be and will be okay.