no worries at all

I wish you're here with me.
Because I feel more secure, and I don't know why.
It seems like everything's going to be just fine when I'm with you.
I know it's not a reason to be careless or negligent, but I don't worry at all when you're around.
And now that it's super stressful with all the backlogs and cramming,
I just need to know that you're there for me-
That we're going through this together,
and tell me that everything will be just fine.

yesterday

You were irritable yesterday.
You don't want to talk to me, and you don't want to see me.
Are you just stressed or is it genuine dislike?

:)

and they say patience is a virtue

Mr. X

So what about Mr. X?

You probably know this already - our relationship was over years ago; it just took me a really long time to move on. Now I keep on thinking how much better you are for me, or you just really are a much better person anyway.

When Mr. X and I were together, we were so immature and competitive (a sign of immaturity) on who's smarter, more experienced, and who lives a more exciting life. With you, I don't have to pretend or assert superiority. Well, I rarely pretend but then I have to keep up just to show him I'm at par with him. It was stressful, and although we did try to make it work - it wouldn't. We were in pari delicto, and there was lack of enthusiasm (or passion) on either side to make room for the other. We were simply too young, too inexperienced. But I don't regret it, and neither does he (i hope so), because we learned. It's a process we had to undergo, and even though we found we were simply not for each other- the time we spent together and tried to care for the other - taught us something that we will carry on in our future relationships, and wishing that someday when the right one comes, we're ready.

So the years spent aren't exactly a waste of time, effort, and everything else that goes into a relationship. Because in that process I learned to look for and discover new things; I learned to be more patient (than i was before; still working on it); I started developing my own personality and character and sticking to it no matter what other people say; and in the end, I learned how to understand and adjust to the personality & temperaments of another person.

In the process of being more exciting than him (competitiveness kicking in), I had to look for ways to enliven my life. On a shallow note, I learned about computers and cars from him. :) I need to learn those things to be able to converse with him. So see? Not really a waste of time. And I'd like to think he learned some new things from me too.

I'm thinking that if I know a lot of things that interests a wide variety of people and it makes me able to converse with them, maybe in that way, I'll meet the right one for me.

-----

Now I wish you'd think of lunch or something. I'd love to see you tomorrow. :)

listen

"My life would suck without you"
Love that Kelly Clarkson song

tarot

I went to Galleria yesterday and I got a coupon offering a free 5-min tarot card reading. Haha yeah, i wouldn't let a free thing pass yes? So I went to the 4th floor and looked for the stall. It was a pretty small one with two cubicles. I waited for a minute for the reader to show up and he led me to one of the curtain-covered rooms. Cut the deck of cards into 3 using my left hand, then spread over, concentrated for a minute (breathing slowly) with hands over the cards, then was asked to get 3 cards using my left hand again. He told me just two things though: issues with work/career and relationships. Then he asked me to get another card and said the last one showed I'd be stable if i can resolve the two issues he stated before. 4th card was The Empress i think. I managed to see the "E". Haha.

Think it lasted for just 2 minutes. But anyway, although nothing specific was stated, those things have been on my mind lately. Anyone would think those two are applicable to anyone but at least they didn't end up in financial and health issues. God help me.

As for my work/career, I'm not working yet so I don't know how it applies. Well maybe that's it - the fact that I don't have a definite plan yet and there are concerns with my current plan. As for relationships, zero lovelife would count as an issue? He asked if there's someone, and then I was so embarassed to admit that there's no one but I just said he's just not committed to me. Because you want marriage, he said. Longterm yes, because I don't like it to end just like any other relationship. Fact is, even though it hasn't started yet, I don't want it to end.

Now I'm wondering if my career plan and relationship issues are intertwined. Is there a way where I can fix both? A solution that will go well for the two? As of now, my plan is to apply for the scholarship abroad- that's either a yes or a no. So if I leave, am i going to meet someone there? Unlikely though.

Or should I stay?

Now assuming I have a high probability of getting the scholarship, would you like me to continue my application?

Garfield

i love Garfield these days
been reading the vault for the past months, going back more than a decade back
it's funny how he thinks,
and how he views life
maybe out of boredom i'm doing this
maybe out of loneliness i'm doing this
but darling, are you happy?

why?

i can't understand why you're there and i'm stuck here
you always make me feel better you know
now i feel so tired and stressed
and i wish you're here with me
i'm hoping you feel the same way too