thoughts

I want to talk about him (you-know-who). You have to understand, I have to start letting go.

We've known each other for nearly 7 years, just 1 month short. It may be because we're so used to each other that it's hard to let go. We're there for each other when no one else is. We function as "reserve" friends/dates when we need someone only when it's convenient to us, not out of obligation or commitment, or even just plain love.

When convenient, when favorable. We even go for months of no communication, and later on we'll just pick up where we left off. This kind of relationship is destructive, yet so addictive. Going for fleeting pleasures, not long-term happiness. We can't just discard those years we spent together, even now that I want to break the habit. Why did we let it continue for 7 years? I don't know. Maybe we just didn't care enough to risk knowing whether if it's going to work or not. We just let it be.

I know I don't want him, I just love the IDEA of someone being there for me anytime I want, and someone who wants me and needs me...well yeah, SOMETIMES.

We are not suited for each other - he bores me, and i think i have the same effect on him too. You may think I am dull and inactive, but he is worse. If you look at our resumes (credentials), I think mine is so much better. If you look at our day-to-day activities and our achievements (tasks done), you'll think I'm a superhero if you're putting his level for the average man. He tries to be interesting (to level up with me, I guess) but he ends up so pretentious and embarasses me even more. Yes, I feel ashamed for him. Haha. I hope I don't give you that feeling. Okay I admit, I probably did sometimes.

There are moments when you can read and predict what the other person is thinking. And oh, I really don't like it when it happens and I feel so disgusted with their thoughts. I don't know if my instincts is so off, but they always fall flat to the trap.

And when you can read what they're thinking (as long as you're focused on the people AND the situation you're all in), it's hard not be cranky and crabby and anything grouchy. It's hard for me to pretend to be nice and happy when I know what thoughts crosses their mind. Okay, I shouldn't think bad of others when they haven't even started saying anything bad yet. But the thoughts! You can see what they're thinking based on their actions! You'd probably think I'm crazy but I can read them before they themselves even realize why they're doing something.

'Cause darling, I can read him. I can't read you. (So Edward? Haha) You are more interesting, exciting, and you have so much more going on in your life than him. I can't be with someone who has less activities than me. It bores me and he'll feel insecure anyway.

Pure rant. Pure madness. Pure love.