The scientist

Thank you so much for doing everything for me. I really appreciate it that you're always there for me. I'm grateful for the "family" I have here. But you don't have to feel obligated. Sometimes I feel you care too much for me.

1. How can I ever repay your kindness?
2. You're not interested in me, are you? 'Cause I've seen some people do that for me, and they are. I don't know how I can return the affection, when all I can offer is friendship.
3. Feedback. Should I have done better?

You cooked for me, thank you so much. Why didn't you tell me that they don't know how to cook it the way I wanted, and I could have ordered just any other dish. It won't matter so much, you know. You're always a gentleman, serving me all the time, and now you tell me you're leaving in a few months?

I'll try to remember everything that happened. But it all went so fast, then I got scared. I remember our breakfast/brunch/lunch/dinners together. You always made it a point to come home for dinner right after your work, so we can talk together until the late hours. Coffee we love to have in the morning, lasting for 2 hours at the least. We always had long talks anytime we bump into each other, which isn't hard considering we live in the same house. And then you started talking about marriage, that you had dreams that you'll marry in 2 years time. I still remember telling you that 2 years is not enough time for a woman to be prepared for a wedding, and you said you'll take care of everything! Then you did the palm reading in which you advised me to be open to relationships and be more passionate in life. That I was holding myself back. When I asserted that there is no one currently for me to hold back from, you said there might be someone and that I never know for sure. That maybe I only needed someone who can take care of me. And for weeks, I noticed you were always pointing out the "bad" qualities of some husbands, and that you're different, that you're nice. Okay, and you're really vain about your body. Haha. Physical fitness and your muscles, darling? We spent weeks talking about marriage, couples, and the future. At the start, you planned for my future, and even "our" future!

Then last week, before the trip - we went to a restaurant for lunch. You called me and asked me if I wanted to go for lunch. We already had lots of "semi-dates" before that - going to different places all over the city - museums, parks, restaurants, everything! And you were always giving me advice in everything.

Last week, I introduced you to my uncle - which happened to know a lot more about what I need to know than whatever you can give me. And sometimes I let slip my former lifestyle with above average wealth. Did you give up? That I really don't need you as much as you thought before? That I have enough of my own, and the reality is different from what you've imagined?

For the past weeks, I've been saying that I don't want to get married at all. Last week, I told you that if I ever got married, it would be someone a little bit older than me and that it would be someone from the Philippines. Did I just turn you down?

Last week, I met your friends. We had fun, didn't we? We had our own house, hideaway, a pet dog, and we just stayed together the whole day.

You should tell me directly, you know - what you want and how you feel. And even I have a hard time telling you about how I feel right now - that I'm scared, but I'm really thankful that you're here.

We're drifting into that mood of "please say anything so that there won't be any silence, and that the other won't have to start talking about his/her thoughts and feelings, and the unspoken but felt issues between us". Remember that weekend that I was pissed off the whole time? I said sorry after, and you tried to be super nice to me. You gave me materials and all that stuff - making amends of what?

You're a great person, but I hope that's it. Can we ever go back from the start?