2011 New Year's Resolution

I promise to face my fears head-on as they come, and avoid any delay. Pretending they do not exist doesn't work, and the delay only causes it to be worse. Acknowledge the issue and face it. That's my goal for this year.

Applicable in all aspects of my life. Cheers to 2011! :D

What was it?

So is it considered a "relationship" then? If not, then I'm back to the NBSB club. Haha.

Well, we knew and acknowledged we like each other, and care about each other. And we were exclusive and committed to each other and in our relationship while we were together.

But: there is no love, no sex, and no assurance as to the future.
First, during the whole time we were in Vietnam, I never told him that I love him, and he never told me he loves me either. Second, the whole no-sex set-up was of course conjured up by me. He's got nothing to lose, and I've got something. I have self control, and he always wants it anyway. Third, we knew about each other's plans. I was there when he was applying for jobs. I was there when he was processing his documents. I was there when he accepted the job offer, and he told me everything about it. And he knew about my plans too. Not really "plans" plans, since I have no real plans to speak of. But the alternatives of what I might do when I get back - get togethers with family and friends, job offers, etc. He knew all about them. So we have our own plans - separate, independent, individual plans.

So what did we have? Companionship for the time being that we both needed each other. Nothing permanent, but it was necessary. And important to both of us. So yeah, maybe I'm just delaying the end of it all.

The Secret working today

Dear Diary,

Today started out okay. Just okay, good enough. Nothing great.

Woke up a bit late, got a taxi after some time, and paid just a little bit more than what I paid for the past 2 days (both same amount). Finally had my third and last day for sputum. Then went home and rested for a while. I planned for what I should do this afternoon. Went to 2 furniture shops in Quezon Ave but can't find a nice affordable dresser. Not good, and they're expensive! So went to Gilmore to buy some computer stuff for Mom. Got everything except for two items. Wow, good enough for a single without-call drop by. No major hitches - managed to withdraw the amount in a single transaction, just a bit of traffic jam, and a little rain. Then saw a laptop sale wherein my laptop now costs only 14K Php from 33K 2.5 years ago! That was fast! Oh my god. Well, most models are completely phased out and just renamed and a little upgraded and so much cheaper. I guess there are still a lot of stocks of my laptop unsold.

So then I went to Galleria. I got the book for Mama Trining! Last copy, and it was even the one with plastic cover! After searching in other malls and all out of stock, it was really lucky of me! Then I got some nice clothes as gifts for my sisters - on sale! :) Then I went to buy cellphone for Ate Beth, and I got it cheaper than the already discounted price for VIP members. And I got a Globe SIM card free! Just what mom asked me to do. A phone and a SIM card, and good, and cheap! Then I went to buy some vitamins and I was hoping I'd get it cheaper than before, and I found a promo pack which is cheaper than the other store, and the usual package I buy. Then I went to Mcdo and asked for 2 sulit burger meals totaling a hundred pesos. Just for snacks while in traffic on the way home. The cashier said there's none, asked me to Wait, then found...the last 2 burgers! Yey!

So, THE SECRET worked for me today! It really works! :)
1. Got the Gaisano stuff - more than usual!
2. Got the book - last one, after searching several branches already! and with plastic cover.
3. Got nice clothes for sisters - and discounted!
4. Got cellphone - discounted, and with SIM!
5. Got vitamins - cheaper!
6. Got the burger meals - last 2!

Downside:
1. No dresser yet
2. No Ipod for sophie yet
3. My laptop's depreciating price

Well, there are bits of ups and downs but today is definitely more on the UP! :) Lots of good things way above the downside. And who knows, maybe I didn't get those things or experienced the little negative, because something out there is better! This will all turn out for the best.

And if the Secret worked on little things, maybe it's time to work on bigger things? :) Successful career, happy family, a big house and cars and nice phones. Yey! :D

December 16

Last day for SPUTUM! Woohooo! And today, I have to go shopping! Lots of things to buy, and to do. Go go go!

Not so keen on attending the simbang gabi. Really tires me out. It started this morning, and I missed it. Oh well. I'll attend some later on. Thank you Lord for the wonderful life I have.

I know I have to move on - http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2010/11/how-to-get-over-the-guy-you-cant-get-over?currentPage=1

Christmas cards

I'm sending cards to people. And the one person I really like to give a card to, doesn't want me to. Why, honey?

December 14

FAITH. Like when you pray to the Lord, and believe He will grant your wish. You ask once, you believe that it will be done, you have Faith, and then you move on.

Today, I had my first Sputum test. One out of three consecutive days. It was inconvenient, but I had to do it. It was my way to move on. I'm thankful I have the money to pay all my bills and more. That I'm healthy, and in perfect health.

Thank you, Oh Lord.

December 13

This morning, I decided to take him out of the equation. To avoid considering him in all my decisions. As if he's not part of my life anymore.

Now, if I can't have everything I want in a particular job. Then I suppose I will have to get my priorities straight. I want to travel, so I'll get a job which involves travelling. Even though the actual job itself is less than ideal. But this is better than just avoiding what I don't want, like what happened last time - going for anything other than audit.

Dec 11

Today, I am thankful for waking up with my mom and sister in the house. We have good food, and a nice house. Today, I am thankful I have you, no matter where you are. Thank you for the plenty of time I have right now.

LDR

Love.

So how does this work? How does this long distance relationship work? We are friends, i know. And I'll try to keep it as it is...for now. We'll just see how it goes.

I really love you, honey. And I don't know how to start again.

Start all over again

I am confused, lost. And I really need you, honey. Not to tell me what to do, but to support me. Just be there for me. It seems I lost a big part of me when we separated. I'm just starting to pick up the pieces and start being inspired again.

Marriage

In the context of The Secret, The Power, or the Law of Attraction -

We can say that marriage as an exclusive relationship and long-term commitment, is actually a blessing and a challenge. It is more subject to possibilities of failures due to human weaknesses. But the concerned parties are also more exposed to a wide range of emotions. In this case, with all the challenges faced in marriage compared to any other type of relationship - if you can surmount all, and still choose love, then you have in the process, learned the secret to life. You forgive, respect, trust, and love another person. It gives you a chance to apply all the learnings. And you practice it, you love, and you succeed in life.

Marriage is a way to be able to control your emotions, learn to love completely, and live life fully.

Planner

That's why a planner is so important. You get to plan things ahead, you imagine how they're gonna work out, and then they do. You create your life intentionally, instead of relaying on outside forces to get things done. You become more effective, and efficient. You plan, you dream, and you imagine.

Perfect.

Jobs

I would like to meet really passionate people in their work. Happy, passionate people. I've realized my batch mates are not happy with their jobs, even those in what we would normally consider our dream jobs. There must be something really wrong. There is something more than money in consideration.

Wealth. I want wealth.

i want to be rich.
if i SAVE a lot, will I be rich?
Are the SAVERS we've often read about eliminating their credit card debt, living a debt free life, and no ccs - are they rich? wealthy? or they just debt free?


I want a ten bedroom house with a vast lawn and farm. with a pool and a garage. with plants and animals, butterflies and fireflies. I want to go to canada and live like a princess.

no haste or worry or fear
advancing or increasing myself is to make myself a better person
and add value to other people's lives
internal purpose and not to please others

i feel stagnant again
i want to start dreaming again of grand and beautiful things
and start acting on it!

"That is the way every seeming failure will work out for you, if you keep your faith, hold to your purpose, have gratitude, and do everyday, all that can be done that day, doing each separate act in a successful manner."

A Prayer

I would like to Think. Really, really Think. I like museums, food, photography, travel. I like going around and actually doing something with my hands. Not just sitting in a computer all day long. It makes me sick and depressed.

Lord, please help me. That I may have Faith. To believe that Everything will be fine. That this point of my life will turn out to be a great blessing.

Point me the way. Where you want me to go. Where I can fulfill my duties and be happy. Where I can best exert my talents and skills.

Where do you want me, oh Lord? I hope I get the visa on time and free tickets so I can go to Canada. Or help me with my business. Thank you. I leave it up to you.