Insecurities.

Not ready to deal with you right now.
Off with you.

Seems like you don't care anyway.
Took me a few months to realize.
Agh. I hate this feeling.

I have to be alone, heal myself
Get back on my own two feet
Without depending on anyone
Without seeking anyone
Asking them if they need me, want me

I look desperate, don't I?
I should keep myself busy.

WHAT?!

Messed up.
Mixed emotions.
Glad to have the day on my own.
So as not to affect others.
Though i'd love to go out.

I'm confused

Why is it YOU? Why are you making me smile and blush? Why do I think of you often, and not him?

The day he arrived -
You: You cleaned my oven??? *Then opened the fridge, stared, and gaped.*
Me: I cleaned your fridge.
You: Ahhhhhh.
Me: I took out some food containers. Not good.
You: *Looking at me* You are amazing. Why do you have to go?

If I knew you didn't want me to leave, I would have stayed. I wanted to stay. I love your place. And I like pestering you in the morning. :D

I remember the first time we met. You looked at me for more than 10 seconds before you said anything! :D

The first time we met at the airport!
So, that was your best friend with you!

You stared at me for sometime.
As in stared at me!
I couldn't understand why -
Were you disappointed?
Were you surprised?
Did I look so different from my Facebook photos?
And your friend was smiling all the time!

Certainly not rushing

Maybe it's because I understand him more when he speaks. Maybe because we've been talking long before I came here. Maybe because he's the first person I met here. Maybe because I lived with him for some time.

Maybe it's because of all those that I feel closer and more comfortable to him than to you. And he understands my background. I cannot deny though, that he's smart, good-looking, and quite attractive. He didn't flirt or try to be touchy with me. I was starting to think he was gay. He respected me and kept his distance. He's like one of my guy friends in college. I can talk to him, argue with him, make drama, laugh with/at him, do silly things, and he'd take it all in a stride, wouldn't think much about it, and still treat me the same way.

But You. You are too much like me, it scares me. Is it even real? We think in the same way, we have the same goals. We had the same reasons why we did what we did, why we're here.

March 1987.
5 years.
Graduated 2009.

But is it gonna last forever? I'll take it slow. A friend of mine told me to take it slow. We have 17 months left, anyway. Quite the opposite of my last relationship. :)

New You.

No reply, honey? No calls nor text?
I kinda miss you. :)

For some reason, I like being with you.
It will take some time for me to open up,
But I feel comfortable being with you. :)

Will you ask me out again?
A real dinner this time? :)

You're just terrible when we don't see each other.
But you're awesome when we're together.

April 9

He was definitely more attentive to me this time. He woke up for me, and opened the door, and there he was waiting and smiling at me. Just standing there, looking at me. Like when we met the first time at the airport.

And then:
Me: So when is the intern coming?
Him: In a month. So you can replace me with her.
Me: Who? What? Replace who? *lost and confused*

He loved my leche flan! He said it's actually pretty good! Definitely a compliment from someone who can cook! :) I said it's a dessert, and I pointed out that he's eating it for breakfast. He said he eats anything for breakfast. :)

THEN YOU CAME ALONG, AND ASKED IF I BOUGHT IT! He said I made it, and that I brought the pan. Then you said it's good, and that it's just like what your mom makes. I was a little surprised; I was pleased that you liked it, but it's like you're comparing me with your mom. Then you made up some sort of excuse, like it's your first month in Montreal today so it was a good thing I brought cake.

I love the way you touched me, I love the way you made coffee for me, I love the way you share things with me. :)

I'm scared, honey. I might fall in love with you too fast, too soon. I want to take it slow, also to allow you some time to think about it. I sincerely hope you're genuinely interested in me, and that the feeling's real.

It wasn't that exciting today. But I like you, and you're just so much like me in some ways. In how we view life. And you want to settle down after this. Haha. I mentioned travelling, and you said you wanted to stay in some place because you've already travelled enough. That was exactly what I told my officemates and friends just a few days ago!

You're ready! Omg! I never thought you are right now. Are you my soulmate? Someone I'd live life with? Someone I'd grow old with?

I'm starting to like you, and I hope you like me too. :) I probably haven't impressed that much on you that we're alike in so many ways, but I want to try show you that I'm not trying to pretend just to impress you.

I'd love to have us spending more time together! I so wanted to hold your hand and kiss you while we were in the theater. You are being more careful these days. Why, honey? Exactly a month ago, you were already holding my hand, and your arm was around my waist! :)

Happy First Month! :)

At the Start

The first time we met - you held my hand, and you wrapped your arm around my waist.
In less than an hour.
You were smiling and holding my hand.

I saw you were just too straight to be gay.
I thought you were!
Too flirty.

Then you said me you miss me. :)
I'm starting to like you.

16 hours a week with me?
Will you ever do it?
Not for sex?

I wish we could spend more time together,
And get to know each other well.

I hope you are not too much of a cynic.
Can you appreciate just what's there?
And laugh, and smile as much as you can?

Because I'm starting to like you, honey!