I wish i said yes

I wish i wasn't so scared to say yes. I was afraid what will happen next if i said yes. Now i know i should have been more brave, and willing to take risk.  I loved him. And i think i still do.

I should have told him i am happy with him, and i want to be with him forever,

Love

I feel so unwanted. He said maybe...maybe we will see each other again. I hope we meet again! Wish i can go to KL with him.

First love

I was so stupid. I didn't even realize what you meant when you said you want to come to the Philippines, when you asked if you can have my hand, when you asked if i wanted to stay in vietnam for another year, when you asked what if i don't get a job in the philippines, if i wanted to got to Belize. I ignored all those questions. If you ask me again now, i'd say yes to everything! I forgot why i was hesistant that time even though i love you.

Sentimental

I like that rejoice divorce commercial. I really want to share it with him, but i want him to apologize first. He said i'm so hard headed, but sometimes i just want him to realize his mistakes and apologize. And he lied to me. It's so hard for me to forget that. I feel like he's gonna do it again.

I hope he doesnt speak to me again. I was really hurt the last time. He didnt even bother saying sorry. He didnt reply nicely yesterday and i dont know what else to do.

To my ex

I feel like youll never ever talk to me again, after that incident. And thats fine. Youll continue with your studies, and i with mine. And with so much love and hate between us, it's difficult not to see that it's a very challenging relationship. We have very different needs and wants, and different interests too. What we have in common is our goal to be with each other and stay committed. But that is proving to be so hard now especially over long distance. You cant just hug me and kiss me like before. We are fighting as frequent as we used too, and it's so tiring. Unless we see it as part of our daily routine, and not really a make or break situation, or a sign of our failures, then i guess it's ok. Couples argue and have petty fights all the time, right? When i'm fighting with you, im fighting with myself as well. I want to annoy you and love you for the rest of my life. But i dont want us to be in a rollercoaster of emotions. So I dont think im ready for a relationship, babe. I'll come back for you when i am. But dont wait for me. Sent from my iPhone

A long delayed post

I do want to create a new blog, like a fresh clean start, turning a new leaf, starting with a blank page. I feel like this blog has already been full of emotions, heavy ones at that, since it has been my dumping ground of all my thoughts and fears and experiences. I want a new blog, with different tabs for different topics, and one tab for life in general. My laptop takes a long time to boot, so by the time it does, I'm no longer in the mood to write. My ex boyfriend (on and off bf, actually, except for 1 entire year last year), has been very nice. But sometimes he is not thoughtful, and forgets I just want the little things. I've asked him many times why he didn't tell me he loves me, but he ignores it. Later he claims he really loves me. I don't understand. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore, or maybe he really loves me and thought it's not important to say it. Now he blocked me off on FB when we're not even friends there. We annoy each other a lot, and it's very difficult for me to control my anger when he is being so dense. Why can't he not get what I'm trying to say? I need to write more tomorrow. I want to, but I'm really sleepy now.