Breakup Part 3

August 31: The last day in my calendar

We were at the cafe, and you were just trying to hold on to a conversation mindlessly, heartlessly. Just like some colleague at work trying to cheer themselves without their hearts really into it. I can see it in your eyes, in the way you talk, and the way you look at me.

I kept wanting to hug you, but you kept pushing me away. You said it's the same thing over and over again. I was trying to hold back tears, and you kept telling me not to cry. But I kept crying, and I can sense the annoyance in your voice. You said I cannot understand why I'm sad. We had a great time, and it's something we
should be happy about. You cannot understand why it's hard for me to let go and move on.

Me: Would it kill you to hold me back just for a few more days before you leave?
You: -no response-
Me: You wouldn't hear from me again - no texts, no calls, no emails.
You: *shocked* What? I thought we're gonna keep this up - on and off.
Me: What? Merry Christmas, Steve? It's easier for me that way.
You: Okay.

Me: But while we're still here, we might as well be happy, right?
You: Yeah we can still hang out, go somewhere, chat. But it's over. And you know that.
Me: -long pause- Is it over because we're gonna leave soon, or is it because you don't like me anymore?
You: I still like you. -but maybe not as much as before?-
Me: I knew there was no assurance, and I should have been more prepared.
You: You are prepared.
Me: -confused- Yea, time's up. It's in my calendar - August 31. 45..46 days.
You: -surprised- That's it for you? -no idea why you're so annoyed by what i said-
Me: Yes. And then I'll go back to the Philippines, and will try to forget you. Can we go to your apartment one last time? I want to tell you one more thing.

@ your apartment:
I sat on your lap and hugged you. And I won't let you push me away.
Me: I care about you, and I'm happy when I'm with you.
You: Is that all? Were you just afraid you're gonna cry again?
Me: Yes.
You: But you just told me you're gonna forget me when you get back to the Philippines.
Me: How could I forget my first boyfriend?
You: -no reaction-
Me: How could I forget my first boyfriend? How could I forget my first kiss?...Well,we can't be friends, but I won't hate you either.
You: -shocked again and long pause- How was it?
Me: What?
You: Your first kiss!
Me: Well, we were in Ninh Binh.
You: I didn't ask where, I asked how was it!
Me: I'm trying to remember!
You: You don't have to remember anything!
Me: Great!
You: You're learning!

And then you hugged me, kissed me. And you just transformed into the old sweet, charming Steve that I used to know. And I haven't told you yet that I love you.

Then we had a nice time watching TV, and had a wonderful dinner. A happy evening for us.