loving someone

My day started off fine, I was calm and peaceful and was extraordinarily patient today. I did not make faces, made a side comment, or thought of horrible things. This afternoon made it for the worse. On top of that, my super ex boyfriend has not been talking to me, saying he was dozing on and off. He is the closest I can get to having someone really love me and give me so much attention, that's why I always come back to him. Maybe I'm bad for him, maybe not. Sometimes I get tired of chasing and being interesting or looking for someone interesting, I just want to rest and be with someone who just loves me no matter how boring I'm being to him. Ah, my life. I leave it up to you, Lord. Whatever you want, please do so. It's been a long time I have written regularly in a blog. I really should start, and create a nice website, and some ads to make some money on the side. But I want that blog to be purely me. Like an open book (with selected parts/excerpts). I hope my ex bf gets better in his job and earns enough for us both so we can live together on our own.

Ignorance is bliss

For in much wisdom there is much sorrow, and he who stores up knowledge stores up grief.- ecclesiastes 1:18 So i said to myself, if the fool's lot is to befall me also, why should i be wise? Where is the profit for me? And i concluded in my heart that this too is vanity. - ecclesiastes 2:15

Ecclesiastes 7

"what the eyes see is better than what the desires wander after. A phrase i read today from the bible. Caught my attention, i guess it's telling me to be more grateful of the present than chasing after the wind/after my dreams which might be reflective of greed and vanity.

I like you. Your picture is my wallpaper and screensaver in my ipad and iphone. Just looking at your photo makes me happy! So nakakakilig! But i want u to pursue me...court me. I'll wait, hon. I'll wait for you.

Ali babes' best lines

Today: I think the first time I might have felt I loved you was after you ruined my 4th or 5th shirt with ice cream. I'm pretty sure it was by those stupid fountains anyway.

flight cancellation

Kahapon, na-cancel yung flight from Manila to Virac. May 3 counters allotted for the passengers to reschedule their flight. Nasa first counter ako, and the 4th in line. The first in line was the wife of our ex-governor. She was talking to the agent when suddenly, her acquaintance/friend who is a prominent business woman came and asked her about the process. So she asked for her friend's boarding passes which turned out to be a thick pile of boarding passes of I don't know who else (more than 3!). Binigay nya sa agent at ipa-process narin daw. In short, pinasabay/pinasingit nya sa pila si friend. Lahat kaming nasa likod ng linya, walang magawa kahit inis na inis na. Ano gagawin namin? Sabihan na bawal sumingit? Eh baka makilala pa kami, ano pang gawin sa amin. I was thinking, one way or another, we/our families owe them some sort of "utang na loob", legal man o hindi, totoo man o hindi. Wag nilang sabihin porque't senior citizen eh pwede na sumingit. Ok lang sana kung lahat ng senior citizens pinauna nila. Meron nga naka wheelchair na, pumipila pa rin! Nagkakaubusan na ng seats dahil cancelled din ung Sunday flight, tapos may sisingit pa? Siguro sadyang ganyan talaga ang mga Pilipino - hindi susunod sa batas para sa lahat nalang ng Ka-something (KKK). Ika-4 ako sa pila pero feeling ko ika-20 ako. Siguro nga ganyan talaga ang kapalaran kapag may balat sa puwet.

Grandma

I hate my grandma sometimes, because she often asks a lot from us, esp from my dad. She thinks that because we don't complain a lot, that we don't have problems. But she doesn't think that my relatives who spend more on clothes, derma, phones, etc, SHOULD contribute or give more! Very annoying.

My ex-boyfriend's brother

When I was 25 years old, I told my ex-bf's brother that i feel so old. He laughed, and said - we're a quarter of a century old; we're not that old. He was my age, and surprisingly, I felt like I've known him forever. He seems to understand me, and I understand him pretty well too. When we talk about something, we don't need to explain a lot. When I met him for the first time, i immediately felt the difference of being able to talk to someone who is on the same level as me. And I felt some regret of having his brother as my boyfriend then. Not because I would have preferred him, but because I could have met people like him, and not stuck in a relationship I was so disappointed in.

hey

Hey, i get it. you dont want me anymore. I wont bother you. You could have just told me.

hi

I missed you a lot, I missed your company. I had thought of you often, over the years. I like you. I care for you. And I like myself when I am with you. But you are not responding to me anymore. Don't you like me now, or do I seem so desperate it turns you off? I wish you'd give us a chance. But you've had the same girlfriend for nearly a decade, and I'm already starting to lose hope. Are you just afraid that if our relationship doesn't work out, then you'd have no one with you? I like you, and I want to try to see if we're really meant to be. Do you feel the same way? Or is it just me? Are we just really good friends?

Love and Money

I wonder, if you have all the money in the world that you could ever want, will you still date the same person you are dating now? Why? What if you were born with a billion dollars to your name? Will it affect your interests significantly that you probably wouldn't or wouldn't want to go with your current date? What if, suddenly, you have a billion dollars to your name? Will it not affect your relationship? What's the difference between these two?

french

Teach me something French, aside from French kiss.

Going back to Hanoi

Everyone is getting married. They all seem happy. They got good jobs, traveled around the world, bought a car/house, and got married. They have nice phones, nice bags, nice everything. And me? I'm still here wearing my old clothes since college, and living in my parents' house. All my dreams of materialistic wealth from my college years did not happen in real life. I have lost interest in most. To be honest, I don't want to get married now, but I do want to have you back in my life. I want my perfect someone to be with me through life. I remember our one month together more than the 2.5 years I spent with him. Maybe because of the short period of time that I was able to remember more, or maybe because we did more fun stuff together. I was bored with him, maybe because I kept comparing him to you. He was nice, and he was thoughtful, but our interests are just so different. We were bored with each other. It was both our faults our relationship was like that. Maybe we weren't just meant to be. I never felt so alive when I was with you, and I never felt so dead and bored with myself when I was with him. I thought sacrificing for love was like that, but it didn't get any better. Now that I'm going back to Vietnam on July, I hope to relive our wonderful memories. I'm secretly hoping to meet you there even though it's impossible since you're in another country, or maybe meet another someone like you. Just like you. It's going to be a fun trip. I miss you a lot.

Cooking

So, we were assigned to cook for lunch today, and I planned out a nice meal: sweet and sour chicken, pork with shrimp paste, and tilapia in coconut milk. But they added more - fish soup, and fried fish, both of which I'm not particularly fond of. For dessert, I baked 2 boxes of brownie mix in a cheesecake pan so we can easily get it out. And we bought vanilla ice cream. An uncle pulled out a pack of marshmallows which was good with the ice cream and brownies. Ahh, it was heaven! :) I wish I had some chocolate syrup to pour over the ice cream! Brownies was so good, and everyone praised me about the brownies! It was soft and fudgy in the middle, and just cooked perfectly! Everything was good except for the tilapia. It was okay, just nothing special. It shouldn't have been cooked in vinegar, just straight into coconut milk. Anyway, i'll try cooking Bicol Express, and Tilapia in Coconut Milk. Yay! I'm so excited! I want to eat good food but it seems I have to make it in order to eat it. Just can't get it here.

French

I really need to learn French. I hope someone will be able to teach me in a fun way. My ex-boyfriend didn't bother teaching me the language. I guess because it's also difficult for him since he wasn't a native or a very fluent speaker. I wish I have spent more time going out by myself or with friends, instead of just staying home with him. I didn't think and feel so good about staying inside all the time, but I felt guilty going out and leaving him. Besides, he would accuse me of cheating and whatever. And he would say things to make me feel guilty. I'm glad it's all over now. I just wish I could have done more. Well there's no use crying over spilled milk now, is there? I wish to meet new friends- interesting ones who LOVE to travel on their own too! I've met some people who are like that, but I refused to develop the friendships because I was so wrongly focused on my "only" relationship, which was with him. He taught me a lot, about relationships, about love, but I wish I listened to my instincts more. I loved you, my very thoughtful ex, but we are not meant to be. We make each other miserable. And now, I want to learn French, the useless language according to you. And I will have new friends too.

Charity

I'm thinking of several ideas to help the community: 1. First, maybe schools can just assign projects to students or thesis or whatever case study or project they can think of, that will help the school itself. A school is a small community, and if the faculty and students are able to make it better than before, then their projects have 2 benefits - for the students to learn, and for the school who benefited. Like for example, how to make the school cleaner, establish a recycling system, and plant more trees. Also for biology, they can plant different types, and study exactly how it grows, what it does, and what they can be used for. Students can study in actuality, and not just from books. And schools wouldn't have to hire consultants to make their schools more effective and more efficient. The students are free labor and free minds, they can help think of ways and actually do them. Make the focus of studies and projects on how to make the school a better place, a better school. Oftentimes, they use "the country" vs "the school", but the country as the subject is so big in scope, and there are so many aspects that the proposals and study will be so vague and not really feasible. If the subject matter is just the school, it will be easier for students to understand the situation, and they can readily test their ideas with the support of the community. to be continued...

Dreams

So, I dream of many things. Many, many wonderful things to come that will change my life. But here I am, and I am still waiting for that perfect moment where I will suddenly become successful, wealthier, and happier. I used to dream about this many years ago, but I always believed I should do things my own so I can achieve my dreams, but now I am just here, not doing the things I should do. I have become relaxed, lazy, in a comfort zone not so comfortable but I'm too lazy to move my butt. Ahh, the glories and failures of the twenty-somethings

Thoughts

I keep thinking of writing an article for the national newspaper about why I hate this country. I'd like to think I will be exposing the cancers of this society by stating specific, personal situations. There will be a lot to say why I like living abroad, especially if I don't understand the language in that foreign country. There are just less noise in my head, they don't ask for attention. "They are just background noise." Life goes on. Lord, help me towards the righteaous ath and how to make great/excellet and rihgt decicions.

Back to Blogging

It's been nearly 3 years since I wrote here. I missed it so. Before, I thought if I spent less time here, I would have more time going out and having fun, and actually experiencing life. But no, it's not that way. I realize now that writing posts in a blog, whether anyone aside from me actually reads this thing, is my outlet. I can write here my ideas, thoughts, and anything that happened during the day. After venting out all my anger, I become more peaceful and calm. The past 2.5 years, which coincidentally was around the time I was with my ex-boyfriend #2, I wasn't able to blog much because he was always around and I didn't have an "alone time". I could barely write in my planner. I wanted some time by myself without anyone asking me what I'm doing. This is "me" time, just mine. Well, he and I are over, which is actually a good thing. It's making us focus on things more important than our crazy love, or infatuation with each other. When I think of him, I think of all the guys I dated, and try to compare one with the other. Maybe it's just the way I think - pros and cons, cost and benefit analysis. Maybe, just maybe, this year, my life will be better and more organized. I wish my life will be more calm and peaceful, and just generally happy. Another thing, whenever I write here, it seems like I'm talking to myself and God. I'd like to believe God is listening to me right now. There are some things he wish to say - what is it, Lord? But it's very noisy here and my head is all cluttered. It's something important and I honestly don't want to know about it, but I should. I gotta talk to my Dad.