Love

I feel so unwanted. He said maybe...maybe we will see each other again. I hope we meet again! Wish i can go to KL with him.

First love

I was so stupid. I didn't even realize what you meant when you said you want to come to the Philippines, when you asked if you can have my hand, when you asked if i wanted to stay in vietnam for another year, when you asked what if i don't get a job in the philippines, if i wanted to got to Belize. I ignored all those questions. If you ask me again now, i'd say yes to everything! I forgot why i was hesistant that time even though i love you.

Sentimental

I like that rejoice divorce commercial. I really want to share it with him, but i want him to apologize first. He said i'm so hard headed, but sometimes i just want him to realize his mistakes and apologize. And he lied to me. It's so hard for me to forget that. I feel like he's gonna do it again.

I hope he doesnt speak to me again. I was really hurt the last time. He didnt even bother saying sorry. He didnt reply nicely yesterday and i dont know what else to do.

To my ex

I feel like youll never ever talk to me again, after that incident. And thats fine. Youll continue with your studies, and i with mine. And with so much love and hate between us, it's difficult not to see that it's a very challenging relationship. We have very different needs and wants, and different interests too. What we have in common is our goal to be with each other and stay committed. But that is proving to be so hard now especially over long distance. You cant just hug me and kiss me like before. We are fighting as frequent as we used too, and it's so tiring. Unless we see it as part of our daily routine, and not really a make or break situation, or a sign of our failures, then i guess it's ok. Couples argue and have petty fights all the time, right? When i'm fighting with you, im fighting with myself as well. I want to annoy you and love you for the rest of my life. But i dont want us to be in a rollercoaster of emotions. So I dont think im ready for a relationship, babe. I'll come back for you when i am. But dont wait for me. Sent from my iPhone

A long delayed post

I do want to create a new blog, like a fresh clean start, turning a new leaf, starting with a blank page. I feel like this blog has already been full of emotions, heavy ones at that, since it has been my dumping ground of all my thoughts and fears and experiences. I want a new blog, with different tabs for different topics, and one tab for life in general. My laptop takes a long time to boot, so by the time it does, I'm no longer in the mood to write. My ex boyfriend (on and off bf, actually, except for 1 entire year last year), has been very nice. But sometimes he is not thoughtful, and forgets I just want the little things. I've asked him many times why he didn't tell me he loves me, but he ignores it. Later he claims he really loves me. I don't understand. Maybe he doesn't love me anymore, or maybe he really loves me and thought it's not important to say it. Now he blocked me off on FB when we're not even friends there. We annoy each other a lot, and it's very difficult for me to control my anger when he is being so dense. Why can't he not get what I'm trying to say? I need to write more tomorrow. I want to, but I'm really sleepy now.

loving someone

My day started off fine, I was calm and peaceful and was extraordinarily patient today. I did not make faces, made a side comment, or thought of horrible things. This afternoon made it for the worse. On top of that, my super ex boyfriend has not been talking to me, saying he was dozing on and off. He is the closest I can get to having someone really love me and give me so much attention, that's why I always come back to him. Maybe I'm bad for him, maybe not. Sometimes I get tired of chasing and being interesting or looking for someone interesting, I just want to rest and be with someone who just loves me no matter how boring I'm being to him. Ah, my life. I leave it up to you, Lord. Whatever you want, please do so. It's been a long time I have written regularly in a blog. I really should start, and create a nice website, and some ads to make some money on the side. But I want that blog to be purely me. Like an open book (with selected parts/excerpts). I hope my ex bf gets better in his job and earns enough for us both so we can live together on our own.

Ignorance is bliss

For in much wisdom there is much sorrow, and he who stores up knowledge stores up grief.- ecclesiastes 1:18 So i said to myself, if the fool's lot is to befall me also, why should i be wise? Where is the profit for me? And i concluded in my heart that this too is vanity. - ecclesiastes 2:15

Ecclesiastes 7

"what the eyes see is better than what the desires wander after. A phrase i read today from the bible. Caught my attention, i guess it's telling me to be more grateful of the present than chasing after the wind/after my dreams which might be reflective of greed and vanity.

I like you. Your picture is my wallpaper and screensaver in my ipad and iphone. Just looking at your photo makes me happy! So nakakakilig! But i want u to pursue me...court me. I'll wait, hon. I'll wait for you.

Ali babes' best lines

Today: I think the first time I might have felt I loved you was after you ruined my 4th or 5th shirt with ice cream. I'm pretty sure it was by those stupid fountains anyway.

flight cancellation

Kahapon, na-cancel yung flight from Manila to Virac. May 3 counters allotted for the passengers to reschedule their flight. Nasa first counter ako, and the 4th in line. The first in line was the wife of our ex-governor. She was talking to the agent when suddenly, her acquaintance/friend who is a prominent business woman came and asked her about the process. So she asked for her friend's boarding passes which turned out to be a thick pile of boarding passes of I don't know who else (more than 3!). Binigay nya sa agent at ipa-process narin daw. In short, pinasabay/pinasingit nya sa pila si friend. Lahat kaming nasa likod ng linya, walang magawa kahit inis na inis na. Ano gagawin namin? Sabihan na bawal sumingit? Eh baka makilala pa kami, ano pang gawin sa amin. I was thinking, one way or another, we/our families owe them some sort of "utang na loob", legal man o hindi, totoo man o hindi. Wag nilang sabihin porque't senior citizen eh pwede na sumingit. Ok lang sana kung lahat ng senior citizens pinauna nila. Meron nga naka wheelchair na, pumipila pa rin! Nagkakaubusan na ng seats dahil cancelled din ung Sunday flight, tapos may sisingit pa? Siguro sadyang ganyan talaga ang mga Pilipino - hindi susunod sa batas para sa lahat nalang ng Ka-something (KKK). Ika-4 ako sa pila pero feeling ko ika-20 ako. Siguro nga ganyan talaga ang kapalaran kapag may balat sa puwet.

Grandma

I hate my grandma sometimes, because she often asks a lot from us, esp from my dad. She thinks that because we don't complain a lot, that we don't have problems. But she doesn't think that my relatives who spend more on clothes, derma, phones, etc, SHOULD contribute or give more! Very annoying.

My ex-boyfriend's brother

When I was 25 years old, I told my ex-bf's brother that i feel so old. He laughed, and said - we're a quarter of a century old; we're not that old. He was my age, and surprisingly, I felt like I've known him forever. He seems to understand me, and I understand him pretty well too. When we talk about something, we don't need to explain a lot. When I met him for the first time, i immediately felt the difference of being able to talk to someone who is on the same level as me. And I felt some regret of having his brother as my boyfriend then. Not because I would have preferred him, but because I could have met people like him, and not stuck in a relationship I was so disappointed in.

hey

Hey, i get it. you dont want me anymore. I wont bother you. You could have just told me.

hi

I missed you a lot, I missed your company. I had thought of you often, over the years. I like you. I care for you. And I like myself when I am with you. But you are not responding to me anymore. Don't you like me now, or do I seem so desperate it turns you off? I wish you'd give us a chance. But you've had the same girlfriend for nearly a decade, and I'm already starting to lose hope. Are you just afraid that if our relationship doesn't work out, then you'd have no one with you? I like you, and I want to try to see if we're really meant to be. Do you feel the same way? Or is it just me? Are we just really good friends?

Love and Money

I wonder, if you have all the money in the world that you could ever want, will you still date the same person you are dating now? Why? What if you were born with a billion dollars to your name? Will it affect your interests significantly that you probably wouldn't or wouldn't want to go with your current date? What if, suddenly, you have a billion dollars to your name? Will it not affect your relationship? What's the difference between these two?

french

Teach me something French, aside from French kiss.

Going back to Hanoi

Everyone is getting married. They all seem happy. They got good jobs, traveled around the world, bought a car/house, and got married. They have nice phones, nice bags, nice everything. And me? I'm still here wearing my old clothes since college, and living in my parents' house. All my dreams of materialistic wealth from my college years did not happen in real life. I have lost interest in most. To be honest, I don't want to get married now, but I do want to have you back in my life. I want my perfect someone to be with me through life. I remember our one month together more than the 2.5 years I spent with him. Maybe because of the short period of time that I was able to remember more, or maybe because we did more fun stuff together. I was bored with him, maybe because I kept comparing him to you. He was nice, and he was thoughtful, but our interests are just so different. We were bored with each other. It was both our faults our relationship was like that. Maybe we weren't just meant to be. I never felt so alive when I was with you, and I never felt so dead and bored with myself when I was with him. I thought sacrificing for love was like that, but it didn't get any better. Now that I'm going back to Vietnam on July, I hope to relive our wonderful memories. I'm secretly hoping to meet you there even though it's impossible since you're in another country, or maybe meet another someone like you. Just like you. It's going to be a fun trip. I miss you a lot.

Cooking

So, we were assigned to cook for lunch today, and I planned out a nice meal: sweet and sour chicken, pork with shrimp paste, and tilapia in coconut milk. But they added more - fish soup, and fried fish, both of which I'm not particularly fond of. For dessert, I baked 2 boxes of brownie mix in a cheesecake pan so we can easily get it out. And we bought vanilla ice cream. An uncle pulled out a pack of marshmallows which was good with the ice cream and brownies. Ahh, it was heaven! :) I wish I had some chocolate syrup to pour over the ice cream! Brownies was so good, and everyone praised me about the brownies! It was soft and fudgy in the middle, and just cooked perfectly! Everything was good except for the tilapia. It was okay, just nothing special. It shouldn't have been cooked in vinegar, just straight into coconut milk. Anyway, i'll try cooking Bicol Express, and Tilapia in Coconut Milk. Yay! I'm so excited! I want to eat good food but it seems I have to make it in order to eat it. Just can't get it here.