take it slow

"Corbett was perfectly charming; it was inevitable that he should go on being charming to the end of the chapter. It was equally inevitable that she should go on being in love with him; but her love had undergone a modification which the years were not to efface.

Formerly he had been to her like an unexplored country, full of bewitching surprises and recurrent revelations of wonder and beauty; now she had measured and mapped him, and knew beforehand the direction of every path she trod. His answer to her question had give her the clue to the labyrinth; knowing what he had once done, it seemed quite simple to forecast his future conduct. For that long-past action was still a part of his actual being; he had not outlived or disowned it; he had not even seen that it needed defending.

Her ideal of him was shivered like the crystal above the miniature of the warrior of Chancellorsville. She had the crystal replaced by a piece of clear glass which (as the jeweler had pointed out to her) cost much less and looked equally well; and for the passionate worship which she had paid her husband she substituted a tolerant affections which possessed precisely the same advantages."

- excerpt from The Lamp of Psyche by Edith Wharton


This is what happens when a woman suddenly "figures out" her partner. Their relationship changes. It differs from the Twilight case in which the lead was attracted to the lady because he can't read her mind. When you figure someone's character, you can predict what they will think and say. It is entirely different from being able to read what someone else is thinking at the present moment, when that person is already thinking about whatever it is.

Then it becomes so predictable and boring. It is not just because you can already predict their thoughts and actions, but rather you can now see the narrowness and limit of their personality. This will result to disappointment and boredom. Really.

I've met guys who are non-losers but bordering on the losers' group. They were smart, nice, straight-arrow men. Good in school, but you won't know about the future because after-school or career is entirely different. There is no laid-out plan. But anyway, these guys, they have good jobs now & vacations, girlfriends, hobbies/sports, family, etc. The usual. Are they interesting? At first. But then it tends to get boring after. You see that after a while, they have nothing new to offer. Maybe I was impatient. Only a month, and I think I figured them out. Maybe a few more months, and deep conversations we would be able to find it each other more interesting, exciting. And then create new memories, experiences to share with each other.

To my future Prince: I hope you take it really slow but please assure me all the time that you love me. I will panic when you start asking about my plans, and meeting my parents. Please wait when I'm ready.